Archived Posts from April, 2007

Ask Ruby

That’s right, ask me anything. I specialize in sex advice, but I’m willing to indulge your curiosity as well. So don’t be shy, ask away!

You can send your questions to askrubynow[at]yahoo[dot]com, or you can use the contact page if you prefer a more private exchange. While I can’t guarantee that I will respond to all questions, I will do my best to respond to everyone personally when the questions are genuine. The most interesting, thought-provoking, and just plain fun questions will appear on the site.

Filed under: General | April 3rd, 2007 Comments (0)

Masturbation Haiku

Via Lusty Lady, I found this fun Masturbation Haiku contest going on over at Early to Bed. I love haiku and masturbation, so this is one contest I couldn’t pass up. Here’s my entry:

Glistening like a
ridiculous pink trophy,
my dildo triumphs.

Go on over there and enter yours!

May is Masturbation Month, so stay tuned for more posts about self-love.

Filed under: Masturbation, Haiku | April 30th, 2007 Comments (3)

Is cheating ever OK?

I’m putting this question out there because I’ve seen a lot of debate on this topic recently. This is a complicated question. First of all, it depends on what your definition of cheating is. My definition of cheating is any intimate exchange, sexual or emotional, that you engage in with someone other than your partner without your partner’s consent.

By that definition, I never think it’s OK to cheat. However, I do think there are certain circumstances when it would be OK to be non-monogamous in an otherwise committed relationship.

For example, I’ve come across several people online who are in the unenviable position of being married to someone who is not interested in sex. All of these people (mostly men, but not exclusively) claim to love their partner and have no desire to leave them. They want very much to have sex with their partner, but he/she is just not interested. And it’s driving them to distraction. All of them had had a satisfying sex life prior to this change of heart.

I strongly believe that it is within every person’s right to abstain from sex whether they are married or not. I don’t condemn anyone for making that choice. There are a multitude of reasons why that may happen, many of which are beyond the control of that individual. However, I also don’t believe that it’s fair for anyone to demand monogamy from their spouse if they are not willing or able to meet that person’s sexual needs. Sexual needs are no less valid than emotional needs, and yet people who feel entitled to having those needs met are often attacked for being selfish or inconsiderate. Frankly, I think the non-sexual spouse is being selfish and inconsiderate if they’re not willing to allow their loved one to have another sex partner.

Then again, it’s a complicated problem, to be sure. I mean, there are lots of professional courtesans who provide this service for many men who are able to afford it, and I salute them. But what about all the working-class folks who can’t afford a trustworthy, professional sexual partner? Even if you do find a reliable accomplice, there will always be risks of emotional complications, not to mention STDs.

I actually encountered one man who is in this situation and he’s also a devout Catholic. He has sought advice from various priests, and not only is adultery forbidden (obviously), but so is masturbation! The poor guy isn’t even allowed to jack off without risking eternal damnation. Just another reason not be a Catholic, in my opinion, but it’s not like this guy is really prepared to change his religion. So he’s basically been condemned to involuntary celibacy and years of sexual frustration. Tell me, how can this possibly be good for his marriage?

It’s a crazy world. When it comes to sex, there are multitudes of people who are quick to judge and condemn and blame. I hope that someday the human race will evolve and learn to accept that sex is a natural, beautiful activity. There’s enough to go around for everyone! Enough with the rules and the fire and the brimstone!

Filed under: General | April 25th, 2007 Comments (3)

Lesson to be learned from Jenna Jameson

No, it’s not how to make love like porn star. But why vaginoplasty is very bad idea. Poor Jenna. I’m afraid she may have been suckered by this wretched site.

Don’t listen to the latest hype, ladies. There’s a better way to keep your vagina strong and healthy: Kegels!

Filed under: Insanity, Celebrities, Unsolicited Advice | April 23rd, 2007 Comments (2)

How to please a woman

There has been so much written on the topic of how to please a woman that it would seem redundant to visit the subject here. And yet, there are still men out there asking this very question, as I have seen while perusing various dating forums. Therefore, I will happily share what pearls of wisdom I have to offer in this area, since it is, after all, my mission to see to it that more women are finding sexual satisfaction. While I generally advise women on how to take charge of their own orgasms, I don’t want anyone to think that the man is just along for the ride. There are many, many ways that a man can enhance his partner’s bedroom experience. Let’s look at a few of my favorites!

  • Foreplay: I often tell my husband that my pussy needs a warm-up, and he knows exactly what this means. Whether it’s oral sex or finger-fucking or playing with toys, it doesn’t really matter. But my pussy is always more receptive to his cock after I’ve had a good orgasm.
  • Play with toys: Sex toys are fun for boys and girls! Try out several until you find a favorite or two. Every woman is different, so encourage your partner to experiment.
  • Talk dirty to her: If you haven’t yet discovered the erotic power of your voice, it’s time you did. Tell her every dirty, nasty thought you’ve ever had about her, or make some up! It doesn’t have to be true, it just has to be hot!
  • Explore her fantasies: This goes with dirty talk - ask her about her sexual fantasies. This can be a great prelude to sex! If you can get her to open up about some of her erotic fantasies, then you will be forever in possession of the keys to her cunt. Depending on what her fantasies are, you may not be inclined to act them out (although that can be fun, too, depending on each of your comfort levels).
  • Make her feel sexy: I think this may be the most important one of all. If you can make a woman feel sexy, then you’re both going to enjoy sex a whole lot more. If she is feeling at all self-conscious then she’s not going to be able to relax and enjoy herself properly. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, women tend to have a lot of body-image issues (yes, even women with “perfect” bodies). Let her know that you think she’s sexy and why. Be specific - which parts of her body are your favorite? Don’t just tell her, show her! If you can help her get over her inhibitions, you will be generously rewarded!
  • Tease her: See how close you can get to her climaxing and then stop, then start over again. Play with her pussy and keep her right on the edge without letting her come, and you’ll have her begging for an orgasm. Wouldn’t that be fun? Of course, eventually you should let her go all the way to a full-on thunderous orgasm. And when you’re done, then you can let her do that to you!
  • Don’t forget her clit: This is very important! Most women must have clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm. And they will certainly have bigger, better orgasms if their clit is getting proper attention. All it takes is just one finger, or maybe a thumb, depending on your angle. If you’d like a little assistance, I recommend a good bullet vibe for this purpose. This butterfly vibe can be lots of fun, too. There are also toys that are designed to stimulate her clit and your cock at the same time! You may want to encourage her to play with her own clit as well. Some women (like me) prefer to do it themselves, since they know exactly when and how much pressure to use, etc. Some women may be shy about it at first, but I bet that once they see the benefits of some well-timed clitty action combined with a good dicking, she may never want to stop. Then your only concern will be whether you can keep up with her. Wouldn’t that be cool?

So there you go, boys! Get out there and try out these techniques and you’ll have your woman squirming with delight, screaming in ecstasy, begging for more cock, and coming and cumming with great gusto. Yippeeee!

Filed under: Orgasms, Unsolicited Advice | April 20th, 2007 Comments (0)

I’m confused

I’ve always been just a little envious of lesbians because they are exempt (in theory, at least) from the bullshit that certain men dump on women in relationships, particularly physical abuse. And then I read this. And I just don’t get it.

Ladies, for the love of all things sacred, stop rewarding thuggish behavior! Please, I beg you! Can we all make a pact or something? We will not put out for thugs! I’m so tired of seeing women participate in these stupid games of sexual rivalry. And I’m even more disgusted when beautiful, sexy, talented women compete for the attention of thugs, be they male or female. I don’t really give a shit about their gender. But it really depresses me when it’s women who are the perpetrators of such misogyny.

Filed under: Rants and Raves | April 17th, 2007 Comments (2)

Musical Interlude

I’d like to introduce you to my new favorite music source: finetune. I use the term favorite loosely, since it is the only online music source I’ve actually used. I had been mining various mp3 blogs in hopes of accessing new and obscure musical talent, but it turned out to be very hit or miss.

My favorite feature at finetune is the Artist Radio. Find your favorite band and play their Artist Radio. I’ve used this feature to listen to music I wouldn’t hear otherwise, and decide if I like it enough to buy more.

I had a lot of fun putting together my playlist. I found a great selection, if I do say so myself. There’s a bunch of naughty ditties in there, too, because that’s the kind of girl I am;) You might also like to know that I tend to favor two types of music: poetic melancholy or funky sassy ass-shakin’ music. I love Love LOVE to dance.

I considered placing a finetune player in the sidebar that will play my mix on request. It would NOT play automatically when the site loads because that’s just annoying. But I really don’t like site clutter, so I opted against it. But I might change my mind and try it out for a while. I’m fickle that way. You tell me, would you listen to music while you’re surfing online to hear a little something different?

Filed under: Music | April 14th, 2007 Comments (0)

Confession of a reformed Purity Girl

Jessica Gold wrote an excellent post in reaction to Harvard’s so-called “True Love Revolution.” There are a lot of great take-downs on the whole purity movement so I don’t need to echo anything these fine writers have already said. Instead, I’d like to share my story because I used to be one of those purity girls.

Of course, this was well before the advent of Purity Balls and the term Purity Girl didn’t exist yet, at least not to my knowledge. Back then I was simply known as a prude. You see, I was brought up on the fringes of a fundamentalist cult – one of those churches where women weren’t allowed to wear pants, shorts, or bathing suits. Since I was on “the fringe,” as it were, I was lucky in that my parents only enforced the dress code during church events. But then again, my mother had a reputation as a harlot, so it’s no wonder. But I didn’t cuss or even take the Lord’s name in vain, and I certainly didn’t think impure thoughts. I was most definitely saving myself for marriage. I held out for years, well into high school, before my ideology shifted. And I owe it all to one repressed pervert named Peter.

It was the summer of my sixteenth birthday and Peter was living with us at the time. My parents were divorced (that harlot mother of mine, again) and my dad was the sort of guy who was always taking in strays from the church. This particular summer we had two brothers living with us who were distantly related – my uncle’s in-laws from Canada. Peter was tall, slender, and very handsome. He looked a lot like Sting and he was 11 years my senior. He and I had become fast friends upon his arrival. We rode his brother’s motorcycle together on the winding New England roads of my hometown. We went swimming at the public beach after hours (fully clothed!) and explored abandoned houses together. We went canoeing and hiking and had all sorts of good, clean fun.

Peter was brought up in the same church, and since he was a stalwart Christian I never questioned his motives for spending so much time with a teenage girl like myself, nor did my parents. I would have never admitted it to anyone, but I had a big crush on Peter and if he had just expressed his interest in me in a very wholesome, Christ-like manner, I probably would have married the guy.

But that was not to be. His way of showing his feelings for me was to sneak into my room in the middle of the night and jerk off at my bedside while fondling my breasts under my shirt. Like so many other terrified girls before me, I froze. I hoped that if I just pretended to be asleep that he would go away and I could forget it ever happened.

By the time I woke up in the morning I was deeply confused. The events of the night before just didn’t fit in with my perception of Peter, and so I decided that it was just some weird fluke. Surely he wouldn’t try it again.

Well, of course he did. Emboldened by my silence, he was there two nights later with his cock in hand, pumping away furiously, and this time his other hand was bolder. I repeated my previous strategy: don’t move and maybe he’ll go away. It probably didn’t take long for him to get himself off, but to me it seemed like an eternity.

The next morning it was my sixteenth birthday. I don’t remember what plans we had made for that day, but they never happened. I hastily made excuses to visit my mother and tearfully told her the whole story. She called my father and he promptly evicted Peter.* Some sweet sixteen, eh?

Later I received a letter from Peter begging for my forgiveness. He explained that he had committed a terrible sin, but Jesus could forgive him and he hoped that I could, too.

There were two things about this incident that led to my ideological shift. First, Peter betrayed my trust. As I mentioned earlier, if he had just expressed his feelings for me openly and appropriately, I would have reciprocated. And the reason I trusted Peter was because he was a Christian. Hell, even my parents had trusted him. When Peter asked me to forgive him as Jesus had done, I was angry at Peter and Jesus. How dare he expect me to forgive him! How could Jesus let him off so easily?? I resented the fact that the burden of forgiveness and Christ-like behavior was on me. Fuck Peter. Fuck Jesus!

I would eventually learn that I was not the only girl that Peter had molested. He was charged by one young woman (another church member) in Canada for years of sexual assault. He was acquitted based on the usual scenario – his accuser was a slut and therefore her testimony was worthless. Over the years I would learn many ugly truths about respected members of my church. Turns out it was a haven for pedophiles and sex offenders of all sorts. I would learn that my own mother was severely sexually abused starting when she was just a toddler, by members of the church as well as her own family. As you would expect, she was condemned for being a harlot.

It’s no wonder, then, that I just can’t get behind any movement that puts the burden of purity on women, and then condemns “their” women when they are victimized by powerful Christian men. And don’t even get me started on the whole women-as-property mindset, because I might start hurling fire and brimstone.

Let’s just say that that summer was the beginning of the end of my purity girl mindset. It wasn’t until the following summer that I lost my virginity, but I’ll save that story for another post.

*I’d like to point out that I was extremely fortunate regarding the incident with Peter. First, I was old enough to know that what he did was wrong and I spoke up before things got worse. Second, when I reported his activities to my parents they believed me and acted swiftly to remove him from the household. Many girls are not so fortunate.

Filed under: Ruby's Dirty Secrets, Rants and Raves | April 11th, 2007 Comments (0)

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