My very first strip club experience provided more food for thought than it did titillation, which is quite alright with me. It was a Tuesday night so there were hardly any patrons in attendance. The hostess seated us at a booth and we ordered bottled water (they don’t serve alcohol) and settled in to watch the girl on stage, who was wearing only a G-string and standard-issue stripper shoes. We barely had a chance to get cozy when the dancer suddenly shouted, “Hey you!”
I looked up to see that she was pointing at me and signaling for me to come up to the stage. Always the good sport, I rose to meet her. I was wearing a skimpy little sundress and she reached into it and fondled my breasts. She looked up to check my reaction and felt sufficiently emboldened to reach around and slide her hands up my thigh and grab my ass. She playfully lifted my dress and displayed my panties to everyone in the club. Then the dancer tried to chat me up, promising that she was going to be giving me attention All. Night. Long.
Throughout all of this I simply grinned and giggled nervously. She finally let me return to my seat and Steel congratulated me. I wished I had had some cash to give to her, but my little sundress had no pockets and besides, it was my birthday so Steel was carrying all the dough. I figured I’d make it up to her whenever she came around again, but I never got the chance. After her dance was over she latched onto a tall gentleman who accompanied her upstairs to the Safari Room.
I wish I could say that her little touchy-feely flirtation had aroused me, but it didn’t. I like the idea of being bisexual because it seems like it could be fun, but the reality of it is that I’ve never hungered for pussy, whereas I definitely get powerful cock cravings. I’d still like to think that the right woman in the right context could push my buttons, but this particular situation was definitely not the most conducive to my tastes.
For one thing, there were only about 5 other people in the club that night, all men. I was the only woman besides the waitress and the dancers. Overall the whole place had a sad, desperate vibe to it. I told Steel that I thought it might have been more fun if we were there on a busy night, and then I would have felt less conspicuous. I really prefer to be an anonymous observer in strange new settings but that was undermined as soon as that dancer picked me out of the crowd 2 minutes after I walked in the door. That shoved me way outside my comfort zone of “silent observer” into that scary realm of the spotlight.
I’m not at all the sort of person who thrives on being the center of attention, and when I’m thrust into that position without warning it makes me a little uncomfortable. I shared my thoughts with Steel, and we ended up having an interesting conversation about how some women solicit the male gaze while others shun it. I examined my own behavior and realized that while I enjoy wearing sexy and flattering clothing, I don’t do it because I seek male attention. I do it because I like feeling sexy, and because I know it turns on my husband and I very much enjoy titillating and teasing him. I also want him to see that other men find me attractive and sexy. I want him to see men checking me out because I want him to feel proud to be with me.
To illustrate my point, we also visited the sex toy shop earlier in the evening. There were some male customers inside, one male employee and one female employee. The only person I made eye contact with while we were in there was the female employee. I smiled at her a couple of times and she responded warmly. I avoided eye contact with all of the men. Later, during our discussion of the male gaze Steel was surprised when I told him that I hadn’t noticed anyone checking me out in the store. In order to find out if someone is watching you, you have to watch them; whereas I ignored them completely.
Eye contact is how you initiate a flirtatious exchange, and I don’t care to flirt with men that I don’t intend to seduce. Of course just because a woman makes eye contact with a man doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to flirt with him or seduce him. But when you’re the only female customer in a sex toy shop then men tend to make assumptions about your character.
The funny thing is, at the time I wasn’t at all consciously avoiding eye contact with anyone. But upon reflection I realized that that has always been my shield against unwanted attention. It is a learned, defensive behavior that I have been practicing habitually for so long that I wasn’t even aware of it.
I’m going to be examining this tendency of mine a little more. I need a little time to process my thoughts on it, which I’m sure will lead to more stimulating conversations with Steel and I love that:) I’ll be sure to share my conclusions with you when I figure it all out.