Archived Posts from 'Masturbation' Category

Masturbation: Your gift to yourself

[This is the third post in a series entitled Overcoming Orgasm Killers that will examine the various factors that impact a woman’s sexuality, particularly in relation to her ability to orgasm.]

There seems to be some conflicting information regarding the frequency of masturbation by women compared to men. Most sources claim that men masturbate more than women, though I did find one article insisting that that was all hogwash and their source claims that 95% of women have masturbated. Well, sure, but trying it once and making it a part of your daily routine are quite distinct, so I’m still not convinced that the girls are matching the boys in terms of frequency.

I think it’s possible that those numbers are slightly skewed if only because women may be less likely to admit to masturbating. One study indicates that women are more likely than men to experience guilty feelings about masturbation. It would be fair to state, then, that there exists a stigma against female masturbation. And that’s just wrong.

Of course, for decades (if not centuries) men were the ones who were condemned for masturbating and were threatened with all sorts of dreadful afflictions if they spilled their seed. No one bothered to warn women of the dangers of masturbation because it never even occurred to them that women would want to do such a thing. In fact, it wasn’t all that long ago that women diagnosed with hysteria (a patriarchal construct if ever there was one) were prescribed a “pelvic massage” until they reached “hysterical paroxysm” (that’s an orgasm to you and me). Of course, doctors never imagined that a woman would be able to provide her own orgasm, so they were forced to resort to external implements - some of the first vibrators and dildos. What really boggles my mind is that performing this “treatment” on a woman was apparently considered an unpleasant task. My, how times have changed!

Fortunately, we’ve made some progress since the Victorian era, though not as much as one would hope. After all, the sale and distribution of dildos are currently illegal in Alabama. My sympathies to Alabama residents.

While women are certainly closing the masturbation gender gap, I’m not sure we’ll ever completely catch up; unless of course my utopian dreams come to fruition, but I’m not counting on that. Women have a serious anatomical disadvantage compared to men. Perhaps if our clits were six inches long and protruded conspicuously from our pelvic region we’d be more inclined to investigate them. Even little boys know, long before they experience ejaculation, that touching their penis feels good. And while plenty of little girls do learn how to pleasure themselves, I think most of us would have to admit we had no idea that our “privates” held such delectable mysteries.

Or maybe it’s just me?

I really was totally clueless, probably more so than most. But my point is that because women’s genitalia are mostly internal and the external parts are so small and inconspicuous, it requires a rather deliberate effort on the part of a woman to plumb the recesses of her sexuality. This physiological fact combined with repressive cultural attitudes results in a significant number of women who simply never bother to masturbate.

I’ve already discussed shame and suffice to say that shame is probably the biggest reason why someone doesn’t masturbate, whether they are male or female. There are still some churches that insist that masturbation is sinful. I don’t expect any of those people to stumble upon this site and have some kind of epiphany. “Oh! This Ruby gal is really on to something. I’m going to put down my Bible and tickle my clit because now I’m so much wiser!” I can dream, though, can’t I?

But fret not, for there are lots of women who have difficulty reaching orgasm during sex and they’re not ashamed of their pursuit of orgasmic ecstasy, although they might need a little encouragement. And all orgasmic women know that the secret to sexual ecstasy is masturbation. It’s really that simple. If you want to orgasm during sex or anytime, you can’t rely on your partner to unravel the mysteries of your vulva. As the owner of said vulva, you have an advantage over your lover(s) - you can feel exactly what works for you and what doesn’t. And I’ll let you in on a little secret: when it comes to orgasms, women are far luckier than men. SOOOO much luckier than men! That’s why I’m pretty sure that if God had genitals,* she would totally opt for a vulva.

So ladies, it’s time to exercise your divinely inspired physiology and explore your twiddly bits! Let there be no more delay! Your orgasms await! You don’t need a fancy dildo or vibrator at all. In fact, if you’re a beginner I strongly recommend that you launch your spelunking adventures with your own fingers. Even one or two fingers inside your vagina will feel quite nice, especially if you wiggle them around a bit. I also recommend using a “come hither” motion with your middle finger while it’s buried in your twat - this is likely to connect with your G spot and I think you’ll like it.

But most importantly, you’ll want to play with your clit. The clitoris can be such a shy violet, but when she’s coaxed out of hiding she can be the life of the party. And once you’ve unleashed the power of your clit, she can be a real attention whore, that one. She’ll want you to play with her all the time - in the shower, before sex, during sex, after sex, on the phone, at work.

Or maybe it’s just me?

Personally, I was a late starter and didn’t start masturbating until I was around 20 years old. Then I went through an extended period of time in which I wasn’t able to enjoy orgasms during sex nearly as well as when I masturbated. For a while I feared that I was doomed to enjoy my best orgasms all alone. It really wasn’t until I married Steel that I felt comfortable enough to play with my clit while fucking, and that’s when my orgasmic potential was really unleashed. Hell YES! So please, let me spare you the wasted years of mediocrity and trust me when I say that you should definitely focus on stimulating your clit during penetration because it’s fucking AWESOME. In every sense. Oh god yes.

I’ve now pretty much covered all of the personal and internal factors that might prevent a woman from reaching her full orgasmic potential. First, strive for body acceptance. Second, reject the trappings of shame and embrace your sexuality as a natural and integral part of a healthy happy life. And today we’ve attempted to abolish any masturbation guilt so that we can give our clits the attention they so deserve.

In my final article in this series I’m going to turn the tables and examine the ways in which our lovers can assist or hinder us in our pursuit of orgasmic ecstasy. Because while masturbation is big fun, it’s no substitute for partnered sex.

*Isn’t it funny how so many people assume that God has a singular physical form, let alone a penis?

Filed under: Masturbation, Unsolicited Advice | June 22nd, 2007 Comments (2)

Silly masturbation stuff

This is how you do it, girlsSurfing the net for masturbation material can be quite entertaining. Once you get past all the sites trying to convince you that masturbation is evil and deadly, that is. Though I do find it telling that those sites are almost exclusively targeting men. Apparently Jesus wants women to masturbate any ol’ time they please. Hallelujah!

I especially got a kick out of these articles at the Landover Baptist Church site. It’s an entirely satirical site, so feel free to enjoy it. I feel entitled to my appreciation of Christian satire due to my past life as a fundamentalist. Check these out:

Innocent Kids Use Jar Jar Dolls as Masturbation Toys!

Pastor Orders Men to Only Think About Jesus While Masturbating

And then there’s masturbation 2.0: wankr!

While you’re perusing those pages, I suggest you play this song in the background. It’s a lousy recording but it’s the best I could find. And since I was also a sailor once, I couldn’t pass this one up. It’s Friggin’ in the Riggin’ by the Sex Pistols:

Filed under: Fun Links, Masturbation, Music | May 23rd, 2007 Comments (2)

One for the wankers

Earlier this month while doing some masturbation research, I found this page on Wikipedia: List of songs about Masturbation. I wasted no time in tracking down some of these songs to feature on this site. It was a bit of an education, too. I never knew that She Bop was about masturbation, and I’m pretty sure my parents never realized that either. Same goes for Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger. I think that one might be an example of a song that isn’t so much about masturbation, but makes a vague reference to it in one line somewhere. There are a few of those on the list. Although I noticed that the list had been culled somewhat since my first visit.  Suzy Seacell’s Me and My Vibrator was noticeably absent.

Here’s an especially fun little number from a bloke across the pond called Ivor Biggun - make sure to pronounce his name with a British accent, it’s much better that way;) And remember, masturbation is God’s great gift to us!

Filed under: Masturbation, Music | May 18th, 2007 Comments (0)

Real Masturbation Stories

This site features true stories of masturbation by real people, and I must say, it’s pretty fascinating. I never knew there were so many creative ways to get yourself off. It’s quite an education, actually.

The site is divided into Male and Female masturbation stories, and each section is further divided by categorized techniques or implements. Just reading the category headings was rather educational. I encourage you to take a peek;)

And since it’s been far too long since I’ve tickled your ears, here’s a song related to this month’s theme. Stay tuned for more!

UPDATE: Music is working again. Weeeee!

Filed under: Masturbation, Music | May 10th, 2007 Comments (0)

Coming into my own: How I learned to masturbate

I lost my virginity at age 17, but it was another 3 years before I went spelunking. During those 3 years I slept with several boyfriends, but I was lucky if I had even a fledgling little orgasm.

I never felt compelled to solve my own mysteries until I found myself in a prolonged dry spell. I was living and working on a remote dude ranch in the Rockies and there were just two groups of people that I had contact with. First, my fellow employees, whom I considered off limits. We were a small, tight-knit staff and not only did we work together, but we lived together 24/7. I had witnessed the drama of several ill-begotten liasons and vowed not to make that mistake myself.

The other group consisted of the ranch guests, a group of 30-40 couples and families that arrived on a strict weekly rotation. There were seldom, if ever, any singles in the roster. I don’t recall ever feeling the slightest attraction to any of the guests.

You might think that on a dude ranch there would be some prime cowboy meat available for a casual romp, and you’d be partially right in that they were certainly available. Each season they never failed to score with a cutie from either coast, charming them with their tight jeans and jingling spurs. And those belt buckles! I, however, was not so easily impressed. For one thing, I was one of them - a wrangler - and I could handle a horse as good or better than any of them. But the biggest reason I never got frisky with a cowboy was on account of their rodeo-sized ego. I really can’t stomach arrogant macho types in general, and I’d be damned if I was going to be just another notch in anyone’s belt buckle.

Wrangling was the most fun and interesting job I’ve ever had and I absolutely loved it. But I wasn’t getting any horizontal action and for the first time in my life I was desperately horny. What’s a girl to do?

I lived in a bunkhouse with 7 other girls, so privacy was scarce. But some nights I would lie awake, my body restless, my imagination lusty. Eventually I could no longer help myself, and I stealthily slipped my hand under my panties. I earnestly fiddled and prodded and soon I was getting warmer. My breath would quicken and I’d stifle a moan, but I would stop abruptly if I heard anyone stir even a little. I was terrified of discovery and painfully frustrated.

It became my naughty little nocturnal ritual and in time I grew bolder. Finally, after weeks of pearl fishing I brought myself to a tense orgasm, teeth clenched and breath held. It was exquisitely tortuous. I became addicted.

Paddling the pink canoe was a little easier during the winter season because our staff thinned out considerably and there were fewer girls in the bunkhouse. I even had the place to myself for a while in the off-season and that’s when I perfected my technique. Toys were obviously out of the question in the bunkhouse, but I made do very well with my nimble fingers. I learned to stroke my g-spot with my two middle fingers hooked inside my pussy while I rubbed my clit with the heel of my palm. Mmmmm.

It’s a good thing I had that opportunity to come into my own or who knows how much longer it would have taken me to learn how to orgasm. As it were, I would spend the next few years lamenting the fact that the orgasms I had with partners were never as good as the ones I gave myself.

Now I’m happy to say the evolution of my orgasm is still in progress. Just when I think that surely I must have peaked, they keep getting bigger and better. I’m very thankful that I have a partner who thrives on making me come:)

Did you know that May is Masturbation Month? It’s great to have an excuse to pay homage to the fabulous art of self-love!

Filed under: Masturbation, Confessions, Sugasm, Ruby's Dirty Secrets | May 3rd, 2007 Comments (22)

Masturbation Haiku

Via Lusty Lady, I found this fun Masturbation Haiku contest going on over at Early to Bed. I love haiku and masturbation, so this is one contest I couldn’t pass up. Here’s my entry:

Glistening like a
ridiculous pink trophy,
my dildo triumphs.

Go on over there and enter yours!

May is Masturbation Month, so stay tuned for more posts about self-love.

Filed under: Masturbation, Haiku | April 30th, 2007 Comments (3)

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