Archived Posts from 'Orgasms' Category

Last Night

You foreshadowed our hedonistic exploits early in the evening by preparing a delectable dinner of spinach salad with dried cranberries and walnuts, then strawberry shortcake for dessert. You offered to make me a strawberry daiquiri, too, but I declined because I know that alcohol makes me sleepy, not horny. It was still early and I wanted to be ready for my Candyman.

(Get this album here, you’ll be glad you did.)

I put the little one to bed and finished my night time routine. I was eager to join you, naked in our bed. Before I slithered in beside you I made sure to fetch some chocolate from our stash beside the bed. It’s no accident that the chocolate is hidden in the same place as our sex toys.

Chocolate always leads to kissing, and while we kissed my hand found your cock. I discovered that you were already rock hard and I felt my cunt tighten in anticipation.

Normally I like to lick and suck your cock before I climb aboard, but last night was different. Last night I couldn’t wait to fill my pussy and ride you to ecstasy, and I did. I know you love to watch me rock and buck on your cock while you play with my ass, but last night you did something new. Last night you slapped my ass, hard, while I was grinding myself into a cock-fueled bliss, and I liked it. I screamed my approval and you slapped me again, harder. I screamed louder. Yes Daddy! And I kept cumming.

I might have ridden your cock some more. I might have leaned back so I could finger my clit while I straddled you, but last night you had other ideas. Last night you knew what you wanted and you didn’t hesitate to show me. You flipped me over onto my back and proceeded to give me a good, hard dicking. I love it when you toss me around and throw me down on the mattress because you just can’t wait another second to get what you want. Your need is urgent and intense and forceful. I like it when you need it bad, Daddy. I want to give it to you. I want to show you what a good slut I can be.

You fucked me just the way I like to be fucked and I came bigger and better than ever. Every night we reach new heights of orgasmic intensity, but last night was extra good, Daddy. Last night my pussy was so worked up that pretty soon I didn’t need my little bullet vibe. I just needed your cock and my whole body answered to the sensations in my pussy. I came like a fucking champion while you growled your approval. And then I did it again. No matter how much I came, I kept wanting more, and you were always eager to give it to me.

Most of the time I have to focus intently on your pleasure to make you cum. Your spunk can be stubborn at times, Daddy, but I know how to coax it out of you and I delight in the effort. But not last night. Last night you just couldn’t help yourself. Last night you and your cock got a bit carried away while my knees were up around my shoulders and my hands were gripping your ass, and then I heard that triumphant growl that I know and love so well and I answered in kind. We almost never get to cum together but last night we did. Last night was fucking glorious.

I hope we can do it again tonight.

Filed under: Erotica, Music, Orgasms | July 13th, 2007 Comments (0)

Shame

[This is the second post in a series entitled Overcoming Orgasm Killers that will examine the various factors that impact a woman’s sexuality, particularly in relation to her ability to orgasm.]

My first post in this series focused on body image and how a woman’s distortion of her body image can cause her to feel inhibited sexually. Today I’m going to talk about another common cause of sexual inhibition: shame.

Shame is an ugly thing. Experts distinguish shame from guilt by defining guilt as feeling bad about something we’ve done, whereas shame relates to feeling bad about who we are. Shame can creep into our hearts stealthily. It may originate in our family or our religious upbringing very early in life. It may not arise until we hit puberty and we are taught to repress our natural sexual desires. Whatever the cause, shame is a toxic condition and is completely at odds with a healthy and unabashed sexuality.

Unfortunately, our society thrives on shaming anyone who chooses to be open about their sexuality. While women are favorite targets of shaming, gay men aren’t far behind them. Straight males are the only group that is ever allowed, even expected, to behave in a sexually aggressive manner.

Shame tells us that if we act on our desires we are dirty and deviant and perverse and therefore we shouldn’t be surprised when someone treats us badly.

Slut shaming is top sport among social conservatives, and anyone who’s ever had the misfortune to be the victim of rape or sexual assault knows all too well that slut shaming is standard procedure in our justice system. Religion is another prevalent means of instilling shame in people.

So is it really any wonder that so many women and, yes, even men are uncomfortable expressing themselves sexually? I certainly hear a lot of men decrying the fact that their wives/girlfriends are sexually repressed. Shame is a pervasive feeling that is very difficult to pinpoint and many people aren’t even conscious of it, even as it manifests itself in their daily interactions. In fact, it may seem perfectly normal to feel shame, particularly in the context of sexuality.

I grew up in a church that considered sexual repression to be a righteous necessity. Until I was 16 years old I clung to the conviction that premarital sex was sinful and I was quite determined to preserve my purity. It never even occurred to me to masturbate back then! I’ve written about the experience that changed my perspective, and in some ways I’m grateful for that incident. It was a relatively minor trauma and I came out of it unscathed and with a new determination to seek my own truth. I consider myself very fortunate.

I’m afraid I don’t really have any straightforward techniques for overcoming shame and sexual repression. It’s a very individualistic phenomenon and there is no simple “cure” for shame. It’s a matter that would be handled most effectively by a professional therapist or counselor. But I think that the first step in overcoming shame is to simply be aware of it. Once you recognize the source of your inhibitions, it becomes possible to confront it and work through it in whatever way you see fit. It may be a long healing process but it will have a huge impact on your life, not just sexually but in all aspects. Shame can be crippling in more ways than we even realize.

I’m more inclined to advise the partners of people who are suffering from a sense of shame. If you suspect that shame is at the root of your partner’s sexual inhibitions, then you are in a very delicate position. The first thing you can do is to gently encourage them to get some help. No matter what you do, though, you’re going to have to be gentle and tactful. The worst thing you can do to someone afflicted with shame is to pressure them into doing something they’re not comfortable with. Coercion, nagging, and bullying are very damaging tactics and will merely serve to reinforce their fears and doubts. The best thing you can do is make your partner feel good about themselves, sexually and otherwise. Self-esteem is the best antidote, but it’s not easy to come by if shame has anchored itself in your psyche.

Personally, I give you all permission to embrace your inner pervert and reject the trappings of shame! I sincerely hope you can allow yourself that same freedom.

There’s one more culprit in the line-up of orgasm killers that I’ll be discussing next, which is the supposed stigma against female masturbation. After that, I’ll turn the discussion toward the other half of this equation: our lovers.

Filed under: Orgasms, Unsolicited Advice | June 21st, 2007 Comments (4)

Body Image

[This is the first post in a series entitled Overcoming Orgasm Killers that will examine the various factors that impact a woman’s sexuality, particularly in relation to her ability to orgasm.]

The effect of body image distortion on a woman’s sexual performance, not to mention her self-esteem, cannot be overestimated. It’s worth noting that this problem afflicts nearly all women, not just overweight or unattractive women. Many women who are widely considered bombshells still suffer from a distorted body image. I think this is particularly true among women whose job performance is linked to their looks, such as models and actresses. Even beautiful women can fall into the trap of focusing on their flaws, however minute, and become oblivious to their assets.

In the bedroom, a woman with a poor body image is likely to feel inhibited when her clothes come off. She will be preoccupied with worrying about how her body looks to her lover. Does this position make my ass look big? Will he notice my stretch marks? With these worries filling her head, it will be difficult for her to relax and enjoy herself.

In order to have a heightened orgasmic experience you really need to be fully relaxed and present in your body. You need to be receptive to various sensations and open to your body’s natural response. If you are tense and self-conscious it will be very difficult to allow your body to respond spontaneously.

However, having a healthy body consciousness is quite distinct from self-consciousness. I would describe body consciousness as an acute awareness of physical movements and sensations and the ability to isolate various muscle groups. I think women who participate in physical activities that involve a lot of body consciousness are at an advantage here: athletes, dancers, gymnasts, etc. Not because they have “perfect” bodies, but because they are very much in tune with their bodily sensations and can respond to subtle physical cues with ease. Yoga is an excellent way to develop this sort of body consciousness, and is a very accessible activity that anyone at any level of physical fitness can learn with a good instructor.

It is possible to be orgasmic and still suffer from some body image distortion. I’m still working through some of my own body image issues but I manage to have a very uninhibited sex life. I think that it’s damn near impossible to be a woman these days and not have at least a small degree of body image distortion. I’ve never met a woman who wouldn’t like to change something about her appearance (isn’t that incredibly sad?). It is possible, however, to balance your awareness of your issues with a measure of self-acceptance. This awareness can help you to overcome your insecurities and you can gradually progress further along the spectrum towards self-acceptance. It is a lifelong process, really, for our bodies are not static and as we age we must confront new physical realities. And of course we are constantly barraged by conflicting messages from the media and society at large, so it’s something we may have to revisit constantly. But the payoff is well worth the effort.

There is no simple cure for body image distortion, unfortunately. It’s not so much a physical problem as a psychological one, and in order to work through it you need to be willing and able to do some serious self-examination. It is definitely beneficial to seek the services of a therapist or counselor, but I also think it can be done on your own with some discipline and determination. A good mentor can also be incredibly valuable. I do NOT think the solution involves dieting or cosmetic surgery. Self-acceptance should apply to your body regardless of your size, shape or weight. I do think it’s always worthwhile to practice a healthy lifestyle that includes good nutrition and physical activity. But I think you can be active, healthy, confident and sexy whether you’re a size 6 or 16.

Remember, ladies, a woman of any size who conveys an aura of self-confidence and vitality will look and feel sexy. The secret is that it really is all in your head - other people will perceive you much the same way you perceive yourself. You’d be surprised how much your posture and body language can convey about your level of self-confidence.

In addition, we need to remind ourselves that our physical appearance is just one of our qualities, but there are much more meaningful qualities that come into play in our personal relationships. We have been conditioned to focus on superficial appearances because they are so immediate, and physical attraction is always an element of sexuality that cannot be fully discounted. However, each person should be valued for the diverse and eclectic array of characteristics that make humans such fascinating animals in the first place. I recommend writing down a list of what you consider to be your best non-physical qualities. Keep that list and come back to it when you’re having a bad hair day or bad fat day or just a shitty day. Train your thoughts to focus on your good qualities and not to obsess on your perceived flaws.

Finally, aspiring for self-acceptance and wanting to look and feel sexy should not be intended solely to garner more male attention (although that will be a guaranteed result). The whole point is to lose your inhibitions so that you can reach your full sexual potential. I sincerely believe that, any medical conditions aside, all women have the innate potential to be wildly orgasmic. If you’ve been comparing yourself to porn stars and feeling inadequate, you’re going about it all wrong. Please don’t try emulating porn stars because they don’t represent reality in any way. If you want real sexual satisfaction and orgasmic ecstasy, you’re going to need to focus on your own physical pleasure. Trust me - nothing gets men hotter than seeing a woman thoroughly enjoying herself during sex.

Body image is just one aspect of our overall self-esteem, and just one inhibition that can have a negative impact on our sexuality. My next post in this series will look at the mother of all inhibitors: shame.

Filed under: Women's Issues, Body Image, Orgasms, Unsolicited Advice | June 18th, 2007 Comments (3)

Orgasm Addict

You know you have a problem when you’re getting carpal tunnel from rubbing your clit. In both hands. Thank god for bullet vibes!

It’s not just me, though, that’s addicted to my orgasms. It’s Steel. He can never get enough. In fact, the more I come, the more he wants. He’s a glutton, that one, and I’m not complaining. On the contrary, I consider myself blessed to have found a partner who is so dedicated to exploring new heights in orgasmic ecstasy. Not to mention the fact that his hard-ons never die. Steel, indeed. He’s earned his moniker. Virile? Goddamn right. Seven kids and he’s still out-fucking the porn stars. He’s my Big Daddy.

If it weren’t for the limits of my pussy we’d never sleep. We’ve learned that too much vigorous sex in one night will put my pussy out of commission for the next day or two, so we try to pace ourselves. She’s such a delicate flower, my pussy, and yet she loves a nice, deep dicking. What a conundrum!

But there is something to be said for delayed gratification. We seldom go an entire week without sex, even when I’m having my period. But the very best sex is a good fucking after a prolonged break. Three days off is plenty, but even one day will make a difference. When my pussy’s fresh and well-rested she performs like an Olympic athlete. Bring on the cock and let the games begin!

Every time we fuck it’s like we discover new feats of pussy prowess. I’m seriously in awe of my orgasmic potential. Every night I think that surely this is it, I’ve peaked, I can’t possibly outdo that last one. And yet the very next night I will. And the next night, and the next night. I’m beginning to wonder how much more I can take. I can’t wait to find out;)

I’ve long since given up trying to count my orgasms. I don’t even know how to tell when one ends and the next one begins. They pulse through my body in wave after wave of seismic tremors. To me it feels very much like someone has turned on an electrical current in my pussy, and that current begins in my clit and then radiates throughout my body in concentric pulses. I’ve learned that once I start cumming I can pretty much keep going indefinitely until I need to pause to catch my breath. Sometimes I need to change position when my hips or legs become cramped because my muscles have been tensed for so long.

Typically I come best when I’m in a position where I can thrust my hips and pelvis forward. Being on my back and riding cowgirl are my favorites and I will come effortlessly in those positions. However, sometimes my pussy will surprise me. If she’s particularly frisky I might come without even touching my clit, which is rather unusual but always fun when it works.

Normally I rely on lots of clitty rubbing in combination with a deep dicking. There’s just nothing like feeling my lover’s fat cock filling my pussy and pumping away while my clit builds up to a frenzied climax. Bullet vibes are very helpful for this purpose. I love the little wireless ones, but I tend to go through the batteries very quickly. We have another one that used to be all shiny with a silver chrome finish, but all the finish has been rubbed off and it’s looking rather dingy these days. Poor thing.

Being on top is a nice switch because that’s when it’s easiest for me to grind my clit on Steel’s pelvic bone while I ride his cock. God, I love grinding. Which is one thing that’s awesome about having sex in the water (which can be challenging due to lubrication issues): vertical grinding! Yes, it can be done on dry land but it’s quite strenuous and I don’t know about you, but I can’t do it very long and I’m pretty buff for a gal. Buoyancy is a beautiful thing, folks.

Why I am telling you all this? Because all you perverts eat this shit up, that’s why! Well, and because it has come to my attention that this sort of orgasmic ability is considered some kind of special talent, maybe even a fluke. But I don’t think it’s either of those things. I think most, maybe even all, women could orgasm just like I do. I think there are a variety of reasons why so many aren’t able to do so, and I want to talk more about those in upcoming posts. Stay tuned!

Meanwhile, here’s my theme song for today. Enjoy!

Filed under: Sugasm, Orgasms, Ruby's Dirty Secrets | June 15th, 2007 Comments (10)

How to please a woman

There has been so much written on the topic of how to please a woman that it would seem redundant to visit the subject here. And yet, there are still men out there asking this very question, as I have seen while perusing various dating forums. Therefore, I will happily share what pearls of wisdom I have to offer in this area, since it is, after all, my mission to see to it that more women are finding sexual satisfaction. While I generally advise women on how to take charge of their own orgasms, I don’t want anyone to think that the man is just along for the ride. There are many, many ways that a man can enhance his partner’s bedroom experience. Let’s look at a few of my favorites!

  • Foreplay: I often tell my husband that my pussy needs a warm-up, and he knows exactly what this means. Whether it’s oral sex or finger-fucking or playing with toys, it doesn’t really matter. But my pussy is always more receptive to his cock after I’ve had a good orgasm.
  • Play with toys: Sex toys are fun for boys and girls! Try out several until you find a favorite or two. Every woman is different, so encourage your partner to experiment.
  • Talk dirty to her: If you haven’t yet discovered the erotic power of your voice, it’s time you did. Tell her every dirty, nasty thought you’ve ever had about her, or make some up! It doesn’t have to be true, it just has to be hot!
  • Explore her fantasies: This goes with dirty talk - ask her about her sexual fantasies. This can be a great prelude to sex! If you can get her to open up about some of her erotic fantasies, then you will be forever in possession of the keys to her cunt. Depending on what her fantasies are, you may not be inclined to act them out (although that can be fun, too, depending on each of your comfort levels).
  • Make her feel sexy: I think this may be the most important one of all. If you can make a woman feel sexy, then you’re both going to enjoy sex a whole lot more. If she is feeling at all self-conscious then she’s not going to be able to relax and enjoy herself properly. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, women tend to have a lot of body-image issues (yes, even women with “perfect” bodies). Let her know that you think she’s sexy and why. Be specific - which parts of her body are your favorite? Don’t just tell her, show her! If you can help her get over her inhibitions, you will be generously rewarded!
  • Tease her: See how close you can get to her climaxing and then stop, then start over again. Play with her pussy and keep her right on the edge without letting her come, and you’ll have her begging for an orgasm. Wouldn’t that be fun? Of course, eventually you should let her go all the way to a full-on thunderous orgasm. And when you’re done, then you can let her do that to you!
  • Don’t forget her clit: This is very important! Most women must have clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm. And they will certainly have bigger, better orgasms if their clit is getting proper attention. All it takes is just one finger, or maybe a thumb, depending on your angle. If you’d like a little assistance, I recommend a good bullet vibe for this purpose. This butterfly vibe can be lots of fun, too. There are also toys that are designed to stimulate her clit and your cock at the same time! You may want to encourage her to play with her own clit as well. Some women (like me) prefer to do it themselves, since they know exactly when and how much pressure to use, etc. Some women may be shy about it at first, but I bet that once they see the benefits of some well-timed clitty action combined with a good dicking, she may never want to stop. Then your only concern will be whether you can keep up with her. Wouldn’t that be cool?

So there you go, boys! Get out there and try out these techniques and you’ll have your woman squirming with delight, screaming in ecstasy, begging for more cock, and coming and cumming with great gusto. Yippeeee!

Filed under: Orgasms, Unsolicited Advice | April 20th, 2007 Comments (0)

In defense of clitty sluts

Via figleaf: I feel compelled to respond to this post at Sexualite, in which Anastasia expresses her disapproval of a certain porn-born trend which involves women bringing themselves to climax during sex by rubbing their own clit. Anastasia considers this masturbation, and she does not feel that she should be expected to masturbate when her partner is present. She also feels that this mindset that women are responsible for their own orgasms is basically letting men off the hook.

I respectfully disagree with both points. And my opinion is not unbiased: I am a dedicated clitty-rubber and ever since I began taking charge of my clit during intercourse I have achieved new and unprecedented orgasmic ecstasy.

First, regarding the masturbation-during-intercourse complaint - I think perhaps this is a semantic issue. I consider masturbation to be something you do alone, to yourself. Mutual masturbation would involve two lovers masturbating in the same room together, but they don’t touch each other. Therefore, when I touch my clit while Steel pounds away at my pussy, I do not consider this masturbation at all because there’s a lot more going on than just me fingering my clit. My orgasms would not have the same intensity if my pussy weren’t full of his hard, eager cock. Secondly, if I refused to “let him off the hook” and ceased to finger my clit, I suppose he would be required to do so for me. Steel is a very skilled and capable lover, but whenever he tries to manage my clit while he simultaneously thrusts into me at high speed, the sensation just isn’t what I’m looking for. It’s not his fault, it’s just easier for me to do it myself.

I should note that I don’t rely on my fingers alone, due to my tendonitis - I swear I’m going to get carpal tunnel from too much clitoral stimulation! - so I often favor my bullet vibe. God bless it!

As figleaf noted, many women are incapable of having an orgasm during penetration, and therefore if this technique makes that possible then I’m pretty sure those women wouldn’t mind being “burdened” with that responsibility;)

To be fair, Anastasia is discussing this issue in the context of porn and I don’t consume much porn at all. I’ve never actually seen any woman have a real orgasm in a porn movie, so I certainly wasn’t aware of this trend. I would love to see more porn in which women are having real orgasms, or, even better, where the sex is actually focused on her orgasms. That would be a real novelty! I agree that no woman should have to perform porn acrobatics just to please her partner if her heart isn’t in it. But porn is rarely made to arouse women, and therefore, like many women, I simply stopped watching it because it tends to disturb me rather than arouse me. Any man who expects me to fuck like a porn star is simply not worthy. And totally missing out on some incredibly hot sex!

Personally, I’ve travelled a long, rough road on my journey to multi-orgasmic ecstasy, and I feel very strongly that if there’s anything a woman or her partner can do to enhance her pleasure and bring her to climax, then by all means do it! However, it should absolutely be a shared effort between a woman and her lover.

Lest anyone should forget: Ruby is dedicated to the promotion of the female orgasm by any means necessary:)

Filed under: Orgasms | April 2nd, 2007 Comments (3)

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