Archived Posts from 'Unsolicited Advice' Category

A Good Man is Hard to Find

[This is the fourth and final post in a series entitled Overcoming Orgasm Killers that will examine the various factors that impact a woman’s sexuality, particularly in relation to her ability to orgasm.]

I’ve spoken of some of the personal reasons why a woman might have difficulty achieving orgasm and realizing her full sexual potential, but unless she is content with masturbation as her sole means of sexual gratification, then she’s going to need a lover with whom she can collaborate.

While it’s no lie that a good man is hard to find, I do think that most men sincerely strive to be good lovers. Despite their best intentions, however, they are often impeded by honest ignorance, not to mention warped cultural attitudes. Sometimes they may have even been mislead by women who faked their orgasms due to their own sexual hang-ups. Here are some ways that a man - any man - can not only pleasure his lover, but also help her to feel completely at ease with her sexuality. The key is to make her WANT to fuck you. She won’t want sex if she’s feeling inhibited. Here are some tricks that all good men know:

  • Worship her body - I don’t care how much she weighs or what size she was when you met, but if you can convince her that the very sight of her flesh makes you mad with lust, she’s going to enjoy sharing her body with you. All of it!
  • Make her feel loved - This just makes for a happy, healthy relationship, which may not necessarily guarantee great sex, but it will certainly facilitate it by making sure her emotional needs are being met.
  • Honor her boundaries - Never, ever attempt to coerce, coax or cajole her into doing anything she isn’t completely comfortable with. There’s no harm in making suggestions if you’d like to try something new or different, but be sure that if she expresses any discomfort with the idea that you drop it and let it be. And don’t guilt trip her either. If she reluctantly gives in and lets you give her a facial and then it turns into a bad experience, she’s just going to be resentful. Resentment is NOT sexy. Trust is! If she trusts you then she is far more likely to be willing to experiment.
  • Split housework and childcare - Is yours an equal opportunity household? It should be. If you’re wondering why your wife is always too tired to have sex every night, pay attention to what it is she’s been doing until bedtime. I’ll bet she’s not sitting around eating bonbons. This is all about making sure her other needs are met because, like it or not, sex can’t always be her top priority. Ask yourself this: If she doesn’t get the laundry done and the dishes washed and the kids bathed, then who will? If the answer is “Uh, nobody?” or “I dunno?” or “But I work hard all day!” then you’re a slacker. Get off your ass and lend a hand or two and you might get a lot more nookie. And guys, don’t keep score. If your spreadsheet tells you that you’re responsible for X chores and Y chores are her job, then all I can say is I hope your spreadsheet gives good blowjobs.
  • Foreplay - While it’s true that plenty of women are ready to fuck on a moment’s notice, this is more the exception than the rule. Even those women for whom this holds true wouldn’t claim to be so ready all the time. Most women need a little preparation. Give her pussy some well-deserved attention. Oral sex is a popular technique, but you can also try fingering her or using her favorite vibe or dildo. I think it’s a good policy to make her come once before penetration. Chances are she’ll be begging for your cock, and wouldn’t that be nice?
  • Don’t forget the clit! - The clitoris is such a coy mistress, but my oh my she really can liven things up once you get her going. There are plenty of different ways to make a women climax, but including her clit in your efforts is almost always a sure thing.
  • Talk about it - I just can’t say it enough: communication with your partner is crucial not only to your sex life but also to your relationship. In my estimation, if you’re too embarrassed to talk about sex with your lover, then you’re not ready to be having sex. If you really struggle with speaking face-to-face on certain delicate subjects, try writing a letter or an email. Any means will do so long as you’re honest and specific.

Although this list is not by any means exhaustive, it does cover the basics. Bear in mind that each woman is a unique individual and if you really want to know how to please her, ask her. These general tips will get you started in the right direction. It’s really pretty simple. Make her feel good about herself, earn her trust, respect her boundaries, devote yourself to her pleasure, and talk to her. These are the secrets to a fun and rewarding sex life. These are the ways to help her overcome her own insecurities and shame, and if you are the one to accompany on her journey of self-discovery, you will reap the rewards tenfold.

Finally, a word for the ladies - if your man is not willing to abide by these basic guidelines, dump him. You deserve to be worshiped and appreciated. Don’t settle for anything less. Good men may be scarce, but they are out there.

Let’s wrap things up with a couple of tunes. I couldn’t decide which of these to post, so I’m going to share them both. I figure it’s only fair to include a male and female perspective:)

A Good Man is Hard to Find - by the iconic Bessie Smith

A Good Man is Hard to Find - by the weird genius poet Tom Waits

Filed under: Unsolicited Advice | June 29th, 2007 Comments (0)

Masturbation: Your gift to yourself

[This is the third post in a series entitled Overcoming Orgasm Killers that will examine the various factors that impact a woman’s sexuality, particularly in relation to her ability to orgasm.]

There seems to be some conflicting information regarding the frequency of masturbation by women compared to men. Most sources claim that men masturbate more than women, though I did find one article insisting that that was all hogwash and their source claims that 95% of women have masturbated. Well, sure, but trying it once and making it a part of your daily routine are quite distinct, so I’m still not convinced that the girls are matching the boys in terms of frequency.

I think it’s possible that those numbers are slightly skewed if only because women may be less likely to admit to masturbating. One study indicates that women are more likely than men to experience guilty feelings about masturbation. It would be fair to state, then, that there exists a stigma against female masturbation. And that’s just wrong.

Of course, for decades (if not centuries) men were the ones who were condemned for masturbating and were threatened with all sorts of dreadful afflictions if they spilled their seed. No one bothered to warn women of the dangers of masturbation because it never even occurred to them that women would want to do such a thing. In fact, it wasn’t all that long ago that women diagnosed with hysteria (a patriarchal construct if ever there was one) were prescribed a “pelvic massage” until they reached “hysterical paroxysm” (that’s an orgasm to you and me). Of course, doctors never imagined that a woman would be able to provide her own orgasm, so they were forced to resort to external implements - some of the first vibrators and dildos. What really boggles my mind is that performing this “treatment” on a woman was apparently considered an unpleasant task. My, how times have changed!

Fortunately, we’ve made some progress since the Victorian era, though not as much as one would hope. After all, the sale and distribution of dildos are currently illegal in Alabama. My sympathies to Alabama residents.

While women are certainly closing the masturbation gender gap, I’m not sure we’ll ever completely catch up; unless of course my utopian dreams come to fruition, but I’m not counting on that. Women have a serious anatomical disadvantage compared to men. Perhaps if our clits were six inches long and protruded conspicuously from our pelvic region we’d be more inclined to investigate them. Even little boys know, long before they experience ejaculation, that touching their penis feels good. And while plenty of little girls do learn how to pleasure themselves, I think most of us would have to admit we had no idea that our “privates” held such delectable mysteries.

Or maybe it’s just me?

I really was totally clueless, probably more so than most. But my point is that because women’s genitalia are mostly internal and the external parts are so small and inconspicuous, it requires a rather deliberate effort on the part of a woman to plumb the recesses of her sexuality. This physiological fact combined with repressive cultural attitudes results in a significant number of women who simply never bother to masturbate.

I’ve already discussed shame and suffice to say that shame is probably the biggest reason why someone doesn’t masturbate, whether they are male or female. There are still some churches that insist that masturbation is sinful. I don’t expect any of those people to stumble upon this site and have some kind of epiphany. “Oh! This Ruby gal is really on to something. I’m going to put down my Bible and tickle my clit because now I’m so much wiser!” I can dream, though, can’t I?

But fret not, for there are lots of women who have difficulty reaching orgasm during sex and they’re not ashamed of their pursuit of orgasmic ecstasy, although they might need a little encouragement. And all orgasmic women know that the secret to sexual ecstasy is masturbation. It’s really that simple. If you want to orgasm during sex or anytime, you can’t rely on your partner to unravel the mysteries of your vulva. As the owner of said vulva, you have an advantage over your lover(s) - you can feel exactly what works for you and what doesn’t. And I’ll let you in on a little secret: when it comes to orgasms, women are far luckier than men. SOOOO much luckier than men! That’s why I’m pretty sure that if God had genitals,* she would totally opt for a vulva.

So ladies, it’s time to exercise your divinely inspired physiology and explore your twiddly bits! Let there be no more delay! Your orgasms await! You don’t need a fancy dildo or vibrator at all. In fact, if you’re a beginner I strongly recommend that you launch your spelunking adventures with your own fingers. Even one or two fingers inside your vagina will feel quite nice, especially if you wiggle them around a bit. I also recommend using a “come hither” motion with your middle finger while it’s buried in your twat - this is likely to connect with your G spot and I think you’ll like it.

But most importantly, you’ll want to play with your clit. The clitoris can be such a shy violet, but when she’s coaxed out of hiding she can be the life of the party. And once you’ve unleashed the power of your clit, she can be a real attention whore, that one. She’ll want you to play with her all the time - in the shower, before sex, during sex, after sex, on the phone, at work.

Or maybe it’s just me?

Personally, I was a late starter and didn’t start masturbating until I was around 20 years old. Then I went through an extended period of time in which I wasn’t able to enjoy orgasms during sex nearly as well as when I masturbated. For a while I feared that I was doomed to enjoy my best orgasms all alone. It really wasn’t until I married Steel that I felt comfortable enough to play with my clit while fucking, and that’s when my orgasmic potential was really unleashed. Hell YES! So please, let me spare you the wasted years of mediocrity and trust me when I say that you should definitely focus on stimulating your clit during penetration because it’s fucking AWESOME. In every sense. Oh god yes.

I’ve now pretty much covered all of the personal and internal factors that might prevent a woman from reaching her full orgasmic potential. First, strive for body acceptance. Second, reject the trappings of shame and embrace your sexuality as a natural and integral part of a healthy happy life. And today we’ve attempted to abolish any masturbation guilt so that we can give our clits the attention they so deserve.

In my final article in this series I’m going to turn the tables and examine the ways in which our lovers can assist or hinder us in our pursuit of orgasmic ecstasy. Because while masturbation is big fun, it’s no substitute for partnered sex.

*Isn’t it funny how so many people assume that God has a singular physical form, let alone a penis?

Filed under: Masturbation, Unsolicited Advice | June 22nd, 2007 Comments (2)

Shame

[This is the second post in a series entitled Overcoming Orgasm Killers that will examine the various factors that impact a woman’s sexuality, particularly in relation to her ability to orgasm.]

My first post in this series focused on body image and how a woman’s distortion of her body image can cause her to feel inhibited sexually. Today I’m going to talk about another common cause of sexual inhibition: shame.

Shame is an ugly thing. Experts distinguish shame from guilt by defining guilt as feeling bad about something we’ve done, whereas shame relates to feeling bad about who we are. Shame can creep into our hearts stealthily. It may originate in our family or our religious upbringing very early in life. It may not arise until we hit puberty and we are taught to repress our natural sexual desires. Whatever the cause, shame is a toxic condition and is completely at odds with a healthy and unabashed sexuality.

Unfortunately, our society thrives on shaming anyone who chooses to be open about their sexuality. While women are favorite targets of shaming, gay men aren’t far behind them. Straight males are the only group that is ever allowed, even expected, to behave in a sexually aggressive manner.

Shame tells us that if we act on our desires we are dirty and deviant and perverse and therefore we shouldn’t be surprised when someone treats us badly.

Slut shaming is top sport among social conservatives, and anyone who’s ever had the misfortune to be the victim of rape or sexual assault knows all too well that slut shaming is standard procedure in our justice system. Religion is another prevalent means of instilling shame in people.

So is it really any wonder that so many women and, yes, even men are uncomfortable expressing themselves sexually? I certainly hear a lot of men decrying the fact that their wives/girlfriends are sexually repressed. Shame is a pervasive feeling that is very difficult to pinpoint and many people aren’t even conscious of it, even as it manifests itself in their daily interactions. In fact, it may seem perfectly normal to feel shame, particularly in the context of sexuality.

I grew up in a church that considered sexual repression to be a righteous necessity. Until I was 16 years old I clung to the conviction that premarital sex was sinful and I was quite determined to preserve my purity. It never even occurred to me to masturbate back then! I’ve written about the experience that changed my perspective, and in some ways I’m grateful for that incident. It was a relatively minor trauma and I came out of it unscathed and with a new determination to seek my own truth. I consider myself very fortunate.

I’m afraid I don’t really have any straightforward techniques for overcoming shame and sexual repression. It’s a very individualistic phenomenon and there is no simple “cure” for shame. It’s a matter that would be handled most effectively by a professional therapist or counselor. But I think that the first step in overcoming shame is to simply be aware of it. Once you recognize the source of your inhibitions, it becomes possible to confront it and work through it in whatever way you see fit. It may be a long healing process but it will have a huge impact on your life, not just sexually but in all aspects. Shame can be crippling in more ways than we even realize.

I’m more inclined to advise the partners of people who are suffering from a sense of shame. If you suspect that shame is at the root of your partner’s sexual inhibitions, then you are in a very delicate position. The first thing you can do is to gently encourage them to get some help. No matter what you do, though, you’re going to have to be gentle and tactful. The worst thing you can do to someone afflicted with shame is to pressure them into doing something they’re not comfortable with. Coercion, nagging, and bullying are very damaging tactics and will merely serve to reinforce their fears and doubts. The best thing you can do is make your partner feel good about themselves, sexually and otherwise. Self-esteem is the best antidote, but it’s not easy to come by if shame has anchored itself in your psyche.

Personally, I give you all permission to embrace your inner pervert and reject the trappings of shame! I sincerely hope you can allow yourself that same freedom.

There’s one more culprit in the line-up of orgasm killers that I’ll be discussing next, which is the supposed stigma against female masturbation. After that, I’ll turn the discussion toward the other half of this equation: our lovers.

Filed under: Orgasms, Unsolicited Advice | June 21st, 2007 Comments (4)

Body Image

[This is the first post in a series entitled Overcoming Orgasm Killers that will examine the various factors that impact a woman’s sexuality, particularly in relation to her ability to orgasm.]

The effect of body image distortion on a woman’s sexual performance, not to mention her self-esteem, cannot be overestimated. It’s worth noting that this problem afflicts nearly all women, not just overweight or unattractive women. Many women who are widely considered bombshells still suffer from a distorted body image. I think this is particularly true among women whose job performance is linked to their looks, such as models and actresses. Even beautiful women can fall into the trap of focusing on their flaws, however minute, and become oblivious to their assets.

In the bedroom, a woman with a poor body image is likely to feel inhibited when her clothes come off. She will be preoccupied with worrying about how her body looks to her lover. Does this position make my ass look big? Will he notice my stretch marks? With these worries filling her head, it will be difficult for her to relax and enjoy herself.

In order to have a heightened orgasmic experience you really need to be fully relaxed and present in your body. You need to be receptive to various sensations and open to your body’s natural response. If you are tense and self-conscious it will be very difficult to allow your body to respond spontaneously.

However, having a healthy body consciousness is quite distinct from self-consciousness. I would describe body consciousness as an acute awareness of physical movements and sensations and the ability to isolate various muscle groups. I think women who participate in physical activities that involve a lot of body consciousness are at an advantage here: athletes, dancers, gymnasts, etc. Not because they have “perfect” bodies, but because they are very much in tune with their bodily sensations and can respond to subtle physical cues with ease. Yoga is an excellent way to develop this sort of body consciousness, and is a very accessible activity that anyone at any level of physical fitness can learn with a good instructor.

It is possible to be orgasmic and still suffer from some body image distortion. I’m still working through some of my own body image issues but I manage to have a very uninhibited sex life. I think that it’s damn near impossible to be a woman these days and not have at least a small degree of body image distortion. I’ve never met a woman who wouldn’t like to change something about her appearance (isn’t that incredibly sad?). It is possible, however, to balance your awareness of your issues with a measure of self-acceptance. This awareness can help you to overcome your insecurities and you can gradually progress further along the spectrum towards self-acceptance. It is a lifelong process, really, for our bodies are not static and as we age we must confront new physical realities. And of course we are constantly barraged by conflicting messages from the media and society at large, so it’s something we may have to revisit constantly. But the payoff is well worth the effort.

There is no simple cure for body image distortion, unfortunately. It’s not so much a physical problem as a psychological one, and in order to work through it you need to be willing and able to do some serious self-examination. It is definitely beneficial to seek the services of a therapist or counselor, but I also think it can be done on your own with some discipline and determination. A good mentor can also be incredibly valuable. I do NOT think the solution involves dieting or cosmetic surgery. Self-acceptance should apply to your body regardless of your size, shape or weight. I do think it’s always worthwhile to practice a healthy lifestyle that includes good nutrition and physical activity. But I think you can be active, healthy, confident and sexy whether you’re a size 6 or 16.

Remember, ladies, a woman of any size who conveys an aura of self-confidence and vitality will look and feel sexy. The secret is that it really is all in your head - other people will perceive you much the same way you perceive yourself. You’d be surprised how much your posture and body language can convey about your level of self-confidence.

In addition, we need to remind ourselves that our physical appearance is just one of our qualities, but there are much more meaningful qualities that come into play in our personal relationships. We have been conditioned to focus on superficial appearances because they are so immediate, and physical attraction is always an element of sexuality that cannot be fully discounted. However, each person should be valued for the diverse and eclectic array of characteristics that make humans such fascinating animals in the first place. I recommend writing down a list of what you consider to be your best non-physical qualities. Keep that list and come back to it when you’re having a bad hair day or bad fat day or just a shitty day. Train your thoughts to focus on your good qualities and not to obsess on your perceived flaws.

Finally, aspiring for self-acceptance and wanting to look and feel sexy should not be intended solely to garner more male attention (although that will be a guaranteed result). The whole point is to lose your inhibitions so that you can reach your full sexual potential. I sincerely believe that, any medical conditions aside, all women have the innate potential to be wildly orgasmic. If you’ve been comparing yourself to porn stars and feeling inadequate, you’re going about it all wrong. Please don’t try emulating porn stars because they don’t represent reality in any way. If you want real sexual satisfaction and orgasmic ecstasy, you’re going to need to focus on your own physical pleasure. Trust me - nothing gets men hotter than seeing a woman thoroughly enjoying herself during sex.

Body image is just one aspect of our overall self-esteem, and just one inhibition that can have a negative impact on our sexuality. My next post in this series will look at the mother of all inhibitors: shame.

Filed under: Women's Issues, Body Image, Orgasms, Unsolicited Advice | June 18th, 2007 Comments (3)

About that Burger Kind Dude

Since I posted my letter to the BK Dude, I’ve been afflicted with a twinge of conscience. I’m afraid that letter came across as mean-spirited and arrogant and that my real point was muffled by hyperbole. So let me clarify what my point was, exactly, and what I’ve learned from that episode.

You see, that stupid movie The Benchwarmers really pissed me off. You’re probably wondering why I ever bothered watching such junk, and I don’t blame you. We rented it for the kids one weekend because we’ve long since exhausted the meager pickings of quality family entertainment. It’s a sad state, really. So yeah, I actually sat through that whole entire movie and I’ll spare you the torment by summing it up here. Aside from the stupid plot which isn’t even worth summarizing, the gist of this movie is that dorks are discriminated against unfairly in sports and in life, and we should cheer for the underdogs. I’ve always been a lifelong underdog cheerleader myself so I was prepared to sympathize, but the moral went awry in the end. Because, you see, the movie only really defends dorks that are boys and their entitlement to hot babes. Are dorky girls entitled to hot dudes? No, and apparently they’re not even worthy of the attentions of dorky boys. And that really, really irks me.

Although I don’t really expect comedies, especially stupid ones, to be consistent with reality, I just couldn’t get over the fact that David Spade’s uber-dork character hooks up with an unbelievably gorgeous woman. Come on, we all know that the only reason that beautiful women get with ugly men is because those men are RICH. Donald Trump, anyone? So yeah, ever since then I’ve been disgruntled for the sake of dorky chics everywhere.

Now that you know why I’ve been so annoyed about this whole hot-babe-entitlement issue, I can discuss the moral to the story.

The fact is that if I had just enforced my boundaries upon my very first encounter with Mr. BK, when he basically forced himself on me by not allowing me to walk past him, I wouldn’t have to keep dodging him and making lame excuses.

So that’s my lesson. I need to enforce my boundaries. I need to be more assertive and speak up when someone violates them. I know I can do this, but it doesn’t come easy to me. I always find it very unpleasant because I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings and I feel as though it’s my fault somehow. But I need to remind myself that when someone indicates that they have no regard for my feelings, then I have every right to correct them.

There you have it folks: Boundaries! If you don’t enforce yours, nobody’s gonna do it for you. Ruby’s learning the hard way so you don’t have to:)

Filed under: Confessions, Unsolicited Advice | June 5th, 2007 Comments (4)

Dear Burger King Dude

It’s time to speak frankly. I’ve made a mistake and I need to come clean. The other day when I passed you on the sidewalk and we engaged in some friendly small talk, I’m afraid I led you to believe that I enjoyed your company. But let’s clarify some things.

First, I was preparing to pass you because I always maintain a quick pace. I walk a mile each way to work, and in the afternoons I barely make it home before my son gets off the school bus, so I’m in a bit of hurry. You were ambling along at a more relaxed pace and that’s cool. What’s not cool is the way you sped up as soon as I tried to pass you. You then proceeded to compliment me, which was very kind but also very transparent. My mistake was to continue to humor you because I’m just too goddamn nice to tell you what’s in my heart, which sounded more like “Leave me the fuck alone, creep.”

It’s not my nature to be blatantly cruel to someone who means no harm. But you need to realize that you basically had me cornered there on that sidewalk and the way you took advantage of that situation to follow me all the way to my street was rather clingy of you. You see, there’s only one street that goes directly from downtown to my neighborhood. In order to avoid your unsolicited conversation I would have to walk several blocks out of my way, and I just don’t have time for that.

And yet, that is exactly what I did yesterday when I ran into you yet again at the intersection. Unable to stomach the thought of 20 more minutes of your inane conversation, I lied to you. I told you I had to go a different direction and left you there at the corner. It was an immense relief, I confess, but again I erred on the side of kindness rather than honesty. This cost me several precious minutes of extra walking, and when I finally detoured back onto the route home, I was dismayed to see that you weren’t that far ahead of me. Perhaps you were hoping that if you lumbered along slowly enough that I would once again be compelled to pass you and then! That would be your chance! To dazzle me with . . . what exactly? How does a homely Burger King employee such as yourself intend to woo an attractive and accomplished woman such as myself?

I think it’s time you made a realistic assessment of your dating currency. I think it’s pretty safe to assume that you are single, or your girlfriend has done you a terrible disservice by allowing you to appear publicly in your BK uniform without intervening on your behalf. I suspect you may be one of those guys who leers at all the sorority chics that come through the drive thru. Maybe you even try to flirt with them, because you’re really a nice guy (I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, if only because that is surely how you perceive yourself) and Nice Guys(TM) deserve hot babes.

This is a common misconception, one that is tragically perpetrated by awful movies such as The Benchwarmers and jerks like David Spade. Sure, Nice Guys(TM), homely or otherwise, do in fact deserve to be loved and get their fair share of pussy, just like the jocks and rock stars and other chic magnets. However, just because unattractive losers need love and pussy, too, doesn’t mean that they should expect to receive it from hot babes. Maybe not even remotely attractive women. Step away from your Wii for a bit and take stock of the world around you. People tend to end up with a partner who matches them in terms of attractiveness. You’re pudgy and jowl-faced and not very smart. You work at Burger King. You don’t own a car. You need to find a girl who shares your, uh, qualifications.

In short, I’m way out of your league dude and I can’t find a nicer way to say it. Leave me the fuck alone, please, so I can walk home in the serenity of my own fascinating thoughts unencumbered by your clumsy intrusions. Thank you and have a nice day.

Filed under: Unsolicited Advice, Letters | June 1st, 2007 Comments (1)

Lesson to be learned from Jenna Jameson

No, it’s not how to make love like porn star. But why vaginoplasty is very bad idea. Poor Jenna. I’m afraid she may have been suckered by this wretched site.

Don’t listen to the latest hype, ladies. There’s a better way to keep your vagina strong and healthy: Kegels!

Filed under: Insanity, Celebrities, Unsolicited Advice | April 23rd, 2007 Comments (2)

How to please a woman

There has been so much written on the topic of how to please a woman that it would seem redundant to visit the subject here. And yet, there are still men out there asking this very question, as I have seen while perusing various dating forums. Therefore, I will happily share what pearls of wisdom I have to offer in this area, since it is, after all, my mission to see to it that more women are finding sexual satisfaction. While I generally advise women on how to take charge of their own orgasms, I don’t want anyone to think that the man is just along for the ride. There are many, many ways that a man can enhance his partner’s bedroom experience. Let’s look at a few of my favorites!

  • Foreplay: I often tell my husband that my pussy needs a warm-up, and he knows exactly what this means. Whether it’s oral sex or finger-fucking or playing with toys, it doesn’t really matter. But my pussy is always more receptive to his cock after I’ve had a good orgasm.
  • Play with toys: Sex toys are fun for boys and girls! Try out several until you find a favorite or two. Every woman is different, so encourage your partner to experiment.
  • Talk dirty to her: If you haven’t yet discovered the erotic power of your voice, it’s time you did. Tell her every dirty, nasty thought you’ve ever had about her, or make some up! It doesn’t have to be true, it just has to be hot!
  • Explore her fantasies: This goes with dirty talk - ask her about her sexual fantasies. This can be a great prelude to sex! If you can get her to open up about some of her erotic fantasies, then you will be forever in possession of the keys to her cunt. Depending on what her fantasies are, you may not be inclined to act them out (although that can be fun, too, depending on each of your comfort levels).
  • Make her feel sexy: I think this may be the most important one of all. If you can make a woman feel sexy, then you’re both going to enjoy sex a whole lot more. If she is feeling at all self-conscious then she’s not going to be able to relax and enjoy herself properly. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, women tend to have a lot of body-image issues (yes, even women with “perfect” bodies). Let her know that you think she’s sexy and why. Be specific - which parts of her body are your favorite? Don’t just tell her, show her! If you can help her get over her inhibitions, you will be generously rewarded!
  • Tease her: See how close you can get to her climaxing and then stop, then start over again. Play with her pussy and keep her right on the edge without letting her come, and you’ll have her begging for an orgasm. Wouldn’t that be fun? Of course, eventually you should let her go all the way to a full-on thunderous orgasm. And when you’re done, then you can let her do that to you!
  • Don’t forget her clit: This is very important! Most women must have clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm. And they will certainly have bigger, better orgasms if their clit is getting proper attention. All it takes is just one finger, or maybe a thumb, depending on your angle. If you’d like a little assistance, I recommend a good bullet vibe for this purpose. This butterfly vibe can be lots of fun, too. There are also toys that are designed to stimulate her clit and your cock at the same time! You may want to encourage her to play with her own clit as well. Some women (like me) prefer to do it themselves, since they know exactly when and how much pressure to use, etc. Some women may be shy about it at first, but I bet that once they see the benefits of some well-timed clitty action combined with a good dicking, she may never want to stop. Then your only concern will be whether you can keep up with her. Wouldn’t that be cool?

So there you go, boys! Get out there and try out these techniques and you’ll have your woman squirming with delight, screaming in ecstasy, begging for more cock, and coming and cumming with great gusto. Yippeeee!

Filed under: Orgasms, Unsolicited Advice | April 20th, 2007 Comments (0)

Ruby Recommends

Must Reads

Hot Flicks

More Hot Flicks